The Struggle is Real....

In a rare twist of events, I went to dinner last night with some friends from CPS (Chicago public schools) that I used to work with in OSI (office of school improvement)  All in different roles and places throughout CPS now– an assistant principal, a ITS manager, an interim deputy chief,  a network data strategist , a principal, and me, a teacher.  It was so good to catch up on babies and new houses, on gossip and wine, but most importantly to hear the good work everyone is doing for a school district that everyone loves to hate, but I am damn proud to work for.  Every department I have worked for in CPS I have been proud of the work and the people I work with – from grants management at the helm of Dr. Kayleen Irizarry, to OSI led by Dr. Donald Fraynd,  to Al Raby HS under the leadership of Dr. Femi Skanes, and of course, my current position as resident teacher in the Chicago Teacher Residency in the AUSL network under the leadership of  Dr. Donald Feinstein and Dr. Jarvis Sanford.  

In addition to the leadership, the people I serve with are no joke either.  In my current role, my mentor Keviyona Ray is beyond committed to the cause, my cohort 043, I couldn't be prouder to be among such amazing individuals, and the teachers and admin at Johnson Elementary.   My time in OSI was time spent among some of the most devoted, loyal people  I have ever met…Randel Josserand, Kelly Weiss, Gavin Doughty, Alfonso Tapia, Ellen Kennedy, Leigh Anne Larsen.  Al Raby HS, the single biggest blessing in my career so far - being able to work with people like Coach D, Jessica Johnson, Meyer Reynolds, Chinelle Burrage, Joemeika Davis, Kristen Yenior, Chloe Bentley, Brandon Draper and my work husband/brother - Jamal Little.  …. And my start at CPS in Grants with my manager, Heather Wendell and our grants “dream team” – Guido Volpe, Emilia Badrov, Tabatha Koylass and Leonore Draper.   

So to wake up this morning and read the Tribune Police blotter, as I always do to check on my kids and their neighborhoods, to come across a name I know, was a nightmare come true.

Leonore Draper aka “Lee” was one of the funniest, kindest, most determined women I knew.  She was one of the first people I met at CPS.  She was charged with showing me the ropes in Grants Management.  She let me tag along for lunch when I knew no one, and introduced me to all the people I needed to know to get work done as I took over the IDEA grants from her so she could move on to other grant work.  She made the work place fun, and had this insane sense of humor that almost made you laugh every time you looked at her.   From our Friday dances, to listening in to crazy co-workers on the other side of the wall, it was good to be in the trenches with her.  She was real.  She went so far beyond serving  at CPS as well.  A girl scout leader, a crusader for MS on behalf of her loving husband Jason, and a proponent and supporter or Project Orange Tree the youth anti-violence group formed in response to Hadiya Pendleton’s death.  In fact she was coming home from an event for this cause when she was shot and killed.  Lee.  A real friend.  A real person.  Doing real work. She’s gone.   Shot in a drive by, in front of her damn house, coming home from an anti-violence charity event.  Yes.  I am f*cking mad.

We are mandated to live in Chicago if we want to work at CPS. Lee and her husband Jason had bought a home in  the west Pullman neighborhood  just 3 years ago or so.  She was so proud.  Her house warming was an all out party.  And now, she’s gone.  Why?  Was it a mistaken identity, or a shot at someone behind her car that ran, or did Lee have the balls to say something to one of the god damn punks in her neighborhood that posted on a corner and now they were pissed?  She was like that, you know.  She stood up for stuff.   

Lee’s death will not be in vain.  For me at least, it will push me to reach deeper, every time I look into those blank, dark eyes of a child who tells me he doesn’t care, and find something for him to live for besides the streets.  I will push parents hard, I won’t accept, “I can’t do anything with him” as a response.  I will RTI early and often.  I will not forget that difference we can make with our words which may be the difference between pushing a kid TOWARDS the streets or pulling him in another direction.   I will not be angry at the kids I know who are in gangs, but preach what is real and what they can be- beyond the streets.  Someone gave up on the kid that shot Leonore Draper along the way.  I won’t be that person.  Her death will not be in vain. And to the city of Chicago, I hope to God, this become the catalyst you finally need to grow a set and recognize we cannot handle this problem alone anymore.  We need help.  Innocent people are dying every day.  Kids are dying every day.  

Taken too soon.  RIP Lee.  #stoptheviolence  #justiceforleonore

Project Bookshelf

Project Bookshelf

The saying, “it take a village” is never more true than when talking about education.  When I began my journey into education, I recognized from the start, I will always need more than I have to give...financially.  Anyone who knows me, knows I never have an issue asking for donations when it comes to my kids.  

One of my best friends, Marni and I used to talk about how we would collaborate with our classrooms or schools when I became a teacher.  Marni is a spanish teacher at Lake Forest High School in Lake Forest, IL.  It seemed like forever ago that we fantasized about how we could bring two different worlds together, in the name of education and kids.  Also, it would be remiss of me to not add, Marni has been my biggest advocate on this journey from day 1!  From the career change, to the move from administration to the classroom, she had been behind me 100%.  

So at the beginning of the year when we discussed a possible idea of a book drive with some students I was excited!  I figured I would be that much further ahead for my classroom and students next year, when I get my own classroom.  A couple hundred books would make a world of difference for my classroom library as a literacy teacher!  

What happen was unexpected and humbling to say the least.

Marni told me that the Freshman student council was excited and had taken it upon themselves to have a freshman class project which would be entitled, “Project Bookshelf”.  Students were going to bring in books over the course of the next couple months under the guidance of their staff advisor, Ms. Rogna.  A couple weeks in, Marni told me they were expecting close to 300 books!  I was so excited!  In addition, the kids were making a bookshelf that they all were going to sign.  We made arrangements for me to come out and meet the kids and thank them during their student council meeting in the morning before school.

As the book drive came close to and end, on the last day, Marni began updating me, “there are 500 books so far...and it’s only 3rd period”. I was overwhelmed.  That’s a classroom right there! What happen then was beyond anything I could have expected.  The freshman student body at Lake Forest high school had collected 1500 BOOKS!   I was humbled and moved beyond belief.  

1500 books.  As I drove out to Lake Forest on a Thursday morning, I tried to think how I could express to these kids what this will mean to MY kids.  I brought donuts as a small gesture of thanks (because kids are kids!)  but when I got up to thank them verbally, it just flowed. I told them while we may take for granted the ease of access of a good book, it is not so easy for all kids.  I referenced a student in my classroom this year who literally loses herself in books and I am convinced on some level, keeps her grounded and focused.  No student should ever feel access to good literature is a gift.  All children, from Lake Forest, to North Lawndale, to Lincoln Park to Roseland deserve the same access and availability of books.  I pulled several books already for that student I referenced.  I can't wait to give them to her.  

Thank you Marni Levinson, Cindy Rogna and Lake Forest Freshman Class for helping bridge the gap one book at a time!

Be Flexible!

4 weeks until spring break.  In those 4 weeks we will have completed our spring lead teach, received a formal observation by an AUSL Administrator, completed our teacher work sample, given the lessons, collected and processed the data, ended quarter 3 AND began quarter 4 (another 4 class quarter) and last but not least, taken our APT test, a 5 hour test that will determine if we are able to get our teaching license.  4 weeks.  Sometime during this period, turnaround schools will be announced, communities will rally to stop them, and the air itself will become so thick you can cut it with a knife. But not to worry.....because if I am anything now, I am flexible!

Now, I have no problem with "being flexible" but tell me this, when did "being flexible" become synonymous with "adapting your schedule and time to others because they haven't gotten their work done or basically have their shit together."  I'm just curious.  And, while we are at it, bigger picture, why is this ok in an industry that should be more urgent than ANY in existence??   I am going to be teaching ( God-willing) for a while, but when and if I become an administrator, I'm going to have a few things to say.

We (educators) want to be treated with as much respect as people treat bankers and lawyers, but that can't happen when we don't act as professional as they do.  24 hour email turnaround times and listening to your voicemails is the BARE MINIMUM.  Yes, family time is important, it's important to doctors, lawyers and bankers too.  But honestly, especially if you are working within the constraints of our lowest performing schools, clocking out at 5 on friday and not returning emails until sunday night or monday morning when there are monday deliverables is not acceptable.  I am not saying work through the weekend, but honestly, the lack of accountability is shocking to me.

When I worked under Dr. Donald Fraynd in OSI, we all were absolutely on the other end of the spectrum.  Being available 24/7 was acceptable, and with the exception of well deserved vacations, we never hesitated to call, email or text each other at any time.  Sure, this may not have been the healthiest of environments for all, but we actually took the CPS mantra (which used to be on the CPS id badges) "EVERY STUDENT, EVERY DAY" to heart.

Now, I know lots of people are going to have plenty to say about this, and that's ok.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion.  But the truth of the matter is while bankers quote, "Money never sleeps"  do the streets of Chicago ever stop pulling at our kids?  Does school climate and culture take a break from being chaotic when we peace out?  Does a student's ability to read progress with 1 hour of reading a day and nothing beyond that?

How do we find a happy medium that gives our students and the environments they spend their days in, a fighting chance?  Does poor planning and a complete lack of organization contribute to the need for over communication?  Are we (CPS) training our leaders to be leaders, and arm them with skills such as organization, good communication, smart business sense, ability to empower others, and delegation??

We criticize charter schools and private, but only in these environments can leaders be creative and require what is necessary and not what is required by the district  (these are different things for sure), or have longer school days without a march down LaSalle street.  Charter organizations like KIPP and Noble are doing some AMAZING things and I truly believe, CPS proper has the potential to be amazing as well.  But it starts with stopping the bullshit request for everyone to "be flexible".   We just don't have that kind of time.  What would happen, if for 1 year, every person who touched kids in CPS, from the grant claims department at central office to the teacher, to the city year staff pushed themselves like it was their last chance every day?

I will continue to "be flexible" because I am just a resident and my thoughts and opinions are not requested at this time.  But watch out CPS because like a phoenix rising you will know when I am empowered with the true ability to affect change on a larger scale.  I hope you're not sleeping when it happens.

Good luck to all the residents starting their lead teach this week!  Go change some lives!!!

I'm kind of over getting told to put my hands up in the air....

So another month down, another 4 days added to the end of the school year.   I get it, I do really.  Perspective changes EVERYTHING.  Knowing 50%+ of our babies don't wear appropriate winter clothing due to various circumstance and walk to school was enough of a case for them to call it.  I mean, the suburbs did, so....

The missed days meant our 2 day winter turnaround visit turned into a one day visit.  One day to do a class profile and build relationships with kids that we most likely will teach when we take over the classroom in May.  I  actually like the strategy.  We used to do it in OSI (office of school improvement) with our teachers.  We would stick them in either one of the closing schools or another turnaround and make them teach a lesson.  It was full of great successes as well as awesome meltdowns and tears.  Better to find out now than a month into school and you abandon the kids.

So I know I'm all over the place, but stay with me.

I knew going into this residency and more importantly, a new career/teaching, I would have to start at the bottom again and work my way up to where ever it is I see myself landing.  I'm not a stranger to hard work, and understand sacrifice.  I also know less than more about this field, so I have more to learn than to share.  I have many, many manger/mentor/teacher/bosses right now who ALL have an agenda, and a list of deliverables and some are competing.   I am learning what questions to ask, and when to just keep my mouth shut.  That doesn't mean I don't journal, and keep notes of what I won't do as well as what I will, but I just don't share what I THINK all the time.  I also have my amazing mentor and friend Mrs. Ray.  Thank God.  When I think it's a good idea to share, ask, respond, she ever so un- eloquently tells me to shut the ___ up.  We have had some doozies too.  Like all on screaming, but at least I feel a better teacher-to-be for it.  I think she prefers the direct mode of communication too.   My Mentor-resident coach would have a meltdown if she every heard us.  LOL.

Anyway, hiring season is now upon us and the list of demands continues.  Videotape this, respond here, upload that, interview x students, observe _# of classes....  I'm not gonna lie, it's awesome the amount I am learning through all of this but OH MY GOD I can barely pee without asking someone!  Like literally, at NLU, there are some professors that would like to be asked when you need to excuse yourself.  Sorry, draw the line there folks, I'm forty-freaking-two years old.  Can't do it.

So onto more important stuff...THE KIDS.  We have a girl in our class, Destiny, who is the self proclaimed "Bop Queen" of the westside.  She is, indeed, amazing.  She get's paid to be in local videos and is going to NY to be on 106 and park.   Another student, Maurio, made a rap song and apparently a video to go along with it.  God love him, but it is REALLY bad.  He's happy though and hopefully he can pull it together and finish the year strong academically.  He definitely does not have a future in rap!  About half the 8th grade class is on the basketball team.  I'm a screaming fool at these games.  Luckily Ms. Kerwin, a fellow resident, is just as into them as I am and lets the ref know when he's making a mistake (Like letting a 6 foot kid throw from the wrong free throw line. He could almost touch the hoop from where he was standing!)

The Kids are readjusting to me being in front of them and I am regaining my emotional constancy.  Meaning, trying not the lose my shit in front of kids.  It's an acquired skill for sure.  I am working hard at it.

Last, I have been reflecting on the pain some of our kids are in, be it abuse, or the loss of a relative or friend to the streets and gang fighting.  It is so unfair, yet, as Mrs. Henry our Principal told us at the beginning of they year, "we do them (the students) no favor by feeling sorry for them and not pushing them as hard if not harder than a child without these struggles."  They are fighting to beat the odds and we are their stacked deck.  We have to push them to greatness.  They all have it in them!  A girl who is already struggling beyond words lost both a cousin and a friend to gun violence this past weekend.  She's very guarded and has been so rough to deal with, rarely makes it through a full day if she does come to school.  But man, I could see pain in her eyes today and something in me was compelled to ask her if I could give her a hug.  She hugged me back.  Hard.

Thanks for the continued support!  XOXO

Six months down. Six to go....

I had every intention of writing before I started break.  And then, once break started, and then while I was in Florida.  However, to put it mildly, I needed some down time like a car on empty needs gas.  I quite possibly broke world records for sleeping over a two week period, and possibly, wine consumed.  But alas, I am back and fidgety and ready to get back to it.  I miss my kids and my mentor!

This year has been so amazing, I went from working in a high school in an administrative position, to starting grad school and becoming a resident teacher.  Talk about a role change!  I am going to focus on the last six months as I have learned ALOT in that small span of time!  So here's my top 10 for the last six months of 2013:

10. I learned even though I prepared everyone for my massive absence as I would be studying and working all the time, 24 hours in a day are just not enough;

9.  I learned I can learn a lot from colleagues 18 years my junior.  Their life experiences have been different than mine and listening to their lessons learned can help me avoid having to learn an unnecessary lesson;

8.  I learned even though my friends know I am a crazed work-a-holic, some still believe this career change was so I could "slow down" (darling but ignorant I call them);

7.  I learned to remove people from my life that do not add value;

6.  I learned it's ok to say no, and not apologize for it;

5.  I learned its ok to be a total school nerd because in the end, what I get out of this experience is all that matters, not what others did;

4.  I learned I have some amazing friends and support, and while they may not be family or the people I thought should be there, they are there and they are awesome (you know who you are!)

3. I learned to "trust the process" and recognized I will continue to be told to "trust the process", even though I already do...;

2. I learned things I will do and not do as an administrator when that day comes;

and finally,

1. For the first time in my life, I learned, or rather, recognized and accepted the fact that as emotional as I am, I am a force to be reckoned with and my tears should not be mistaken for weakness nor should my kindness be mistaken for naivete ...maybe this is a lesson others learned about me as well.

Thanks for following my journey and all your support!

Happy New Year!!

I am Thankful

It's Thanksgiving!  On top of everything else to be thankful for, 5 amazing days off!  Of course, with 3 weeks left in the NLU semester, and lead teach in the next 2 weeks, "days off" is a loose term.  But none the less, no 4:45am wake ups, 1 glass of wine limits, and yoga pants prevail!  Since we were in class last Friday, and Monday and Tuesday we had an AUSL cycle pullout, we have been away from the students for almost a week already.  I can say with a pure heart, I miss the hell out of my babies!  So, the following is a summary of what I am thankful for, since the season upon us:

I am thankful that I didn't wait another year, month or day to begin this career.  I have said it before, but easily the most challenging yet rewarding work I have ever done.

I am thankful for 28 amazing 8th grade babies and 27 inspiring 7th grade darlings who challenge me to be a better more reflective teacher, mentor and person everyday.

I am thankful for AUSL, all the good, bad and ugly :)  I don't understand everything or why it's happening all the time, but I have committed to trust the process.  And I do.

I am thankful for Cohort 043....and not only the remaining 20, but every person who was a part of 43!  They give me courage and energy each week when we converge on NLU for class.

I am thankful for some amazing professors whose passion for the subject, be it Literacy or Social Justice inspire me more each week (and add to my "books to be read" list!)

I am thankful for my MRC (that's Mentor Resident Coach), Tamiko.  She challenges me and does things I don't understand, but so far, the less I question and just do, the better I become!  She works harder than almost anyone I know.

I am thankful for my Mentor, Keviyona Ray.  We have had awesome battles and been able to hug it out in the end.  The only person who loves our kids more than me is her.  I am learning to work hard, love hard and start each day fresh by watch and working with her.  I am so grateful.

I am thankful for my education mentor and friend, Femi Skanes.  A principal, mother of 2, newlywed and new homeowner, she knows exactly when to make time for me to talk.  I appreciate it more than you know!

I am thankful for my old OSI peeps, Kelly, Gavin, Randel, SuePo, Gwyn, Jessica, Alfonso, Ellen, Maurice....your check-ins mean so much, even if just by text.  Your continued work and dedication to our broken, but on the mend district inspires me to work harder, so we can give our City's children their birthright of a great education.

I am thankful for my friends and family...their patience and understanding has been selfless. Marni, Colleen, Kristen, Liz B, Christina, my mom, my brother I would be broken without you.

Last, I am thankful for my Nugget, Noah.  His smile and innocent giggle reminds me everyday how important the work we do is for our kids.  I wouldn't want anything less for my nephew.

Happy Thanksgiving and Thanks to everyone who has supported me through this journey!!!!

Expect the Unexpected

My first "lead teach" is in the books.  Good, bad and ugly.  It is over.  I know I am going to have lots of firsts during this journey, and each one will be another reason to reflect, review and revise my practice.

So here goes...

I felt SUPER prepared.  I had spent countless hours on my lesson plans, bothered the hell out of my mentor Mrs. Ray (bless her) and literally had gone over my Lesson plans at home and again, the morning before I taught.  I reviews the "signature strategies" put post it notes on my clipboard, wrote notes on my hand to remind me to "Give explicit directions, Check for understanding, and Narrate!  I got in early, set up the classroom or at least my stuff, where I needed it.  I was set up for success.  And then it happened...the kids.  Let me interject that my kryptonite in work, relationships and life is the unexpected.  By now I am conscious of the fact that every day in education is unpredictable.  And I would like to think I am adjusting well.  But, it's still my achilles heel.

So, the day started off well, I transitioned the students quickly and quietly.  Started my vocab lesson and transitioned effortlessly into reading and then Social Studies happened.  So we were starting a new DBQ (document based questioning) entitled, "The Preamble and The Federal Budget: Are We Slicing the Pie Correctly?"  The hook activity was to have students create a mission statement for the school, so they could understand the purpose of a mission statement as the Preamble is considered the "Mission statement of the United States and the Constitution"  Didn't you know??  Anyway, I had the activity set up, they would work in groups after my carefully crafted powerpoint, which BTW, 7th and 8th graders could care LESS about!  lol  A little behavior check here and there and all of the sudden, I was out of time.  Sure, they got some mission statements up on the board, but I didn't truly get to make the connection and set up for the next day.  So, I get to do the same lesson, again, in the afternoon with my 8th graders. OK.

I know I have said this before, but it needs to be reiterated again, and again, for the cheap seats, 8th graders are an animal all unto their own.  Oldest kids in the school, on the verge of thinking they know it all (or in the case of my one fiery red haired student, believe they do!)  but still can display behavior of the likes of my 2 1/2 year old nephew.  They are the best and worst of older and younger kids combined.  In one moment they will tackle you with hugs and ask to do a "roller coaster" cheer, and in the next, tell you to get the fuck out of their face because "you doin too much".  My babies.  :)

So, I went to get the babies from gym.  Slightly turned up, but ok during transition.  Got them in and into vocab with no time to waste.  We were actually able to get through everything, and I was able to get in some of the coaching points my mentor had given me and they were actually having fun!  We celebrated their mission statements with power claps and even though a little late, I got them down to IAE (computer learning time) and out the door in one piece at the end of the day.  I got some good feedback I was able to go home and reflect on from Mrs. Ray and felt ok.  Ready for day 2!

I started the day the same way, and was ready!  And somehow, slowly but surely, the day got away from me.  I wasn't able to make connections during the second lesson in social studies (now reading the Preamble, or attempted to), the students didn't get the schoolhouse rock video I was so excited to share, and I didn't get through the article.  I was formally observed during this time, of course.  After the 7th grade block we usually have lunch to prep, but on Thursdays, we have our data meetings with the Principal.  She's a badass and doesn't take unpreparedness lightly.  I like her.  So I was going to pull out my binder and get ready and my MRC says, "I'll be right back".  I didn't possibly think we were going to debrief in the now 30 minutes but alas...we did.  So with my half eaten uncrustable in my mouth she starts to share what I need to change for the afternoon lesson which, comes right after the data session so I am trying to get it all down, and then get the feedback on what I need to work on in the future, and I hear bits and pieces but stop at the "and on this you were unsatisfactory".  And of course, anyone who knows me, knows I got stuck right there.  Wait what?  I mean, I know I stumbled a little, but unsatisfactory (remember that rating in Danielson means, "unsafe for kids")  holding back the tears I try to write down everything else she is giving me but I am gone.  WTF?

Run to get the kids, take them to computers (their prep) and into the data meeting.  Late.  I know Mrs. Henry the Principal knows I was with the kids and not just f'ing around, but it doesn't matter.  My ass should be in there on time.  So we go through the data meeting and then off to get the kids.  We all clumsily get upstairs and they are all on 10.  "Ms. Ohannes I have to take a computer to the counselors office and go do my application for..." "Ms. Ohannes I have a stomach ache can you call my mom?"  "Ms. Ohannes he's farting..."  ENOUGH!  "We are on page 110 in your vocabulary book..."  Ok, really?  Did I really think I was going to be set up for success for the next 2hours and 10 minutes going in like that?  In the end, my afternoon demise was my own fault.  I never settled them down.( and yes, they can be settled, and I have strategies with which to do it) I engaged with a student (she got suspended) and yelled.  I hate yelling.  Stop laughing.  Really, I HATE yelling at kids.  I don't care what they do, they are still kids.  So, I get them down to IAE and remind them Mrs. Henry is RIGHT NEXT DOOR doing data meetings, so now more than ever, we should be on "level zero" and do the right thing.  WRONG.  Next thing I know, Mrs. Henry's at the door SCREAMING (rightfully so I should add).  "why aren't they on level zero? why aren't they at the computers working?" Ms. D, the other teacher in the room with me, just looks at me.  We both look defeated.  Now let me explain, I don't have a problem with the Principal doing her job.  I have a problem with me, having my kids show her how I am not doing mine.  Again, Setting expectations, getting the kids settled before we left the room...etc.  They are kids.  Even though she is slightly terrifying when she yells, they aren't going to be quiet because she is next door.  Crap, they wouldn't care if Obama was meeting with Ahmadinejad to solve World peace next door.

So, how do I think the two days went?  I realized I need to work on stricter implementation of BMC, 100%, Narration, Explaining the WHY in my lessons, and allow the loss of control....what I mean by that is be prepared for the unexpected and embrace it.  I can control my lesson planning, my level of professionalism, my appearance, my demeanor but I cannot control what is going to happen from one minute to the next in the classroom.  What I can do, is use the tools I have been given to handle the unexpected.  Because if there's one thing I know my mentor, MRC and AUSL knows is, the unexpected is the expected.  It's what you do with the unexpected that matters.  Before today I couldn't have said this, but I believe it was a success.  I am not expected to be a completely proficient teacher at this point in the year, although it is what we strive for.  I am supposed to take the feedback and make every effort to implement it.  Not argue it.

....and it shall be done.

My 8th grade students Mission statements for the school.