A year ago I was just completing my first Chicago Marathon. I finished it. It wasn't pretty, I didn't get the time I wanted, and the training took a lot out of me. But I finished it. All I remember now is I completed a goal I worked hard for and all the pain is forgotten. (I have the medal to prove it damn it!)
As a friend reminded me this morning, I am in a different type of endurance race now. Probably the most important of my life. Why? Because my goal is to get kids across the finish line of their young lives...getting them to college or a career and making the stay there sustainable. I am tired, at times confused, get beat up on the daily, and that's just in the classroom. I still have 4 classes that demand north of 30 hours of work each week. But at the end of each week, before I pass out on my computer on Friday night around 1 or 2am after getting my lesson plans in by the deadline, I feel a small sense of accomplishment. I reflect on the lives I have touched, and the children whose lives have touched me. I reflect on the conversation with my mentor that brought us both to tears as we realized, we are more similar than different, have the same goal in this crazy residency (for me to succeed) and both love kids....so much so it hurts when they do not succeed.
I had my first full day alone with the kids this week. It was exciting and scary at the same time. As a colleague told me, if you are not a little scared, you don't care enough. So scared is good. All things considered the day went well. I had to raise my voice to a place even I didn't know it could go. I may have thrown a clipboard on a desk (for effect of course) and moved clips in the consequences chart many times. But the kids learned that day. I got through ALL the lessons I had, checked for understanding and even had time for the kids to do a quick rap to share what they know about Close reading strategies. At one point, I had settled them down after being turned up from gym I had to remind them I graduated 8th grade, and high school, and college, and graduate school. Sometimes, these babies forget just that, they are children. So we reset, and had a productive day.
I am aware outside the walls of Johnson School of Excellence many of the kids are the adults in their family already. It breaks my heart. But while they are in school, they are not. They are there to receive the knowledge, love and understanding they deserve. When I momentarily forget and want to go in on a kid like he's an adult, I remind myself, he's a child, and a child needs nothing more than love. Now, don't get it twisted, love comes in different forms. We don't "hug it out" every time they do something defiant, But the true meaning of the "no-nonsense nurturer" aka warm responder makes sense now. I can give a kid a detention but then write to him in his mood journal about the awesome things he did today, even if it was just 15 minutes in small group.
The mood journals have been amazing by the way. I have about 20 kids who write regularly. Some share really personal stuff, some just vent. Regardless of what it is, it allows us a chance to communicate more deeply and on a personal level. I have one student right now who is all over the place. He plays football, and it's extremely important to him. However, he can't control himself. He's either goofy or defiant and clip moves don't do a thing. On Thursday, he got so turned up he told Mrs. Ray to "shut the F*#% up". Needless to say, he didn't get to play in the game Saturday...and it was a big game. As he sat on the sidelines and watched his team struggle, I asked him, "how does this make you feel"? And he shared, " bad, really bad". So I asked him if this incident was going to define him or give him the strength to make a change. He said he would like it to be a turning point. That warmed my heart. Now I am aware, words are cheap, especially from a hormonal 13-year old boy, but the fact that he didn't blow it off and saw how his actions affected his teammates was a step in the right direction.
In addition to what I have been teaching, I get to teach Social Studies this week. We are discussing the "Ideals of the Declaration". I had to find something engaging to use after we read the background article so I found this video. I thought it was fun!
Too Late to Apologize ...a Declaration
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